Our lives are made up of lots of ups and downs. We go through pain and turmoil. We walk through lots of situations. Each of us has a purpose to fulfill on this Earth. We have a role to play. We have a to complete. The problem is that we may not always know what that mission is or how to complete it. Some of us find our purpose right away; this was not my path. I did not know my purpose or mission for a lot of years.
I endured over twenty years of emotional, physical, and verbal abuse at the hands of a man who claimed to love me. I was completely in love and tried so hard to make him happy. That is an impossible task. No matter what you do you cannot make another person happy. No matter what you do, how clean you keep the house, how many good meals you cook, how much money you make, you cannot make a miserable person happy. You can never do enough to make it okay. You cannot change someone else. You are not responsible for their happiness. But my young naïve heart and mind did not know these facts. So I stayed and tried to change him. Tried to please him. Tried to be good enough, quiet enough, pretty enough, smart enough and a good wife so he would be happy and love me. But it does not work that way. I endured and survived the abuse. I made excuses for his behavior. I blamed myself for the problems and the abuse. I would tell myself if only I was better, thinner, smarter, more loving, more submissive, if I kept a better house or I made more money! But nothing worked! By the time I got the courage to leave; my self-esteem and my dignity were gone. I was just a shell of the girl I had been. I was degraded, bruised, deflated and defeated. I had no voice, no purpose, no direction and no idea how to change that fact.
It was a slow process. And it started with pen and paper. I wrote my dreams, my fears, my needs, my wants, and my healing in that journal. I found my purpose through putting my words on paper. It was the beginning of my healing. It was the start of my transformation. It was the start of my journey. I did not know it then but it was the start of my new life. I was just getting the pain out. Letting the words flow. Letting the healing start and completely changing my future. By the end of that journal I knew it was my purpose to tell others that writing will help you heal. Not only that it will help you but sharing your pain and your story will help others to heal. I knew I was on to something! I had to share it with the world. I just did not know how or if anyone would listen to me. After all I had been silent for over twenty years. My courage was shaking and my gumption to just go for it was almost nonexistent. I was just one woman could I tell others. Could I take that leap? Could just do it? Could I be heard? Could I make a difference? Was I strong enough?
I was about to find out. The writing of my story had changed my life. It had taken me from victim to survivor. It had given me my voice back. It had lifted my self-esteem and my dignity. It was helping me to get my life back. I was learning to use my voice. I knew I had to share what I learned. I had to share how writing had changed the course of my life. I could now hold my head up and I knew now I was worthy. I had to tell others. I knew that my trial and my breakthrough would inspire, uplift and help another. I just had to be brave enough to speak up and follow my destiny. I had to step up and fulfill my mission. I knew God was going to use me to help women heal! I just was not sure I was strong enough for the task. I did not know if I could actually do it. Could I share my past? Could I share my shame? Could I let the world in to see my scars? Could I be that strong? I truly did not know the answers to these questions. I was not sure I could do it. I knew it was my mission but I did not know if could complete it. But I was willing to give it a shot. I was willing to fail. I was willing to put it all out there. I was willing to be vulnerable and share my story. I was will to take a chance. I would follow my heart and let God do the rest.
So I started to share my story. The first time I wrote it out, my hands shook and I held my breath for the reaction. I was braced for the worst. For people to shame me and reject my story and my life. But that is not what happened. People embraced my healing! They were touched by my story. They heard my soul not just my words. They listened with their hearts not just their ears. I spoke to a place deep inside of them. My words touched their hearts and gave them hope. I knew then this was my life mission. I was meant to help others share their stories! I was destined to help others write! It was my path to walk! My joy to help! I knew it was what I was born to do! I was created to uplift and empower others. I was meant to be a light in the darkness! A voice for the voiceless and a champion for the victims! I was on the path of life now! I felt it in every cell of my body! I know that I blessed to be able to do this for a living and help others! My life was changed by writing and I want to be able to others! I know sharing your story makes a difference! It creates a ripple effect in the pond of life. It touches others and changes them forever! Words have power and our stories are important! Thank you for taking this journey with me and helping to empower and change the world with our stories! Thank you for being a part of my mission and my life!